Years of struggle and trauma from the impact of addiction takes its cumulative toll on everyone involved.

Initially, there’s a collective sigh of relief when a partner or loved one gets sober. Partners feel hopeful that a sense of normality can find its way back into family life. However, relief is almost always followed by increasing levels of resentment, anxiety, fear, anger, and a host of other negative emotions. Making sense of these co-existing oppositional feelings is confusing. You’re probably thinking, “Shouldn’t I feel better now that my partner is finally sober?” But often, it’s not that simple.

There are several factors to help understand these reactions, but first, it is crucial to understand that there is a difference between sobriety (abstinence) and recovery. While sobriety refers to stopping the using behavior, recovery can be thought of as a process of making life changes that address both individual and relationship wellness. Focusing on both of those together, instead of just on abstinence, increases the likelihood of continued sobriety.

The “pink cloud” is a term used in recovery circles from the perspective of the addicted person, but I believe this term is every bit as relevant for partners and family members. Being on a pink cloud refers to the immediate sense of relief, happiness, and confidence that some people experience when the person stops using. It’s important to anticipate that at some point coming down off that cloud may very well stir up opposite, negative feelings once the reality of long-term sobriety hits home. For partners, it’s often the reality of addiction that hits the hardest. Inevitably, at some point during recovery, they wind up grappling once again with the baggage from addiction, and it catches up to them.